You never know, you might learn that they’re also feeling as though things could be better, which may spark a deeper discussion. This, in turn, invites them to reciprocate the question. You could introduce the conversation by turning the topic around on your partner and asking if they still like the certain things you do to them in the bedroom. But, in reality, they could now be totally different.” So, we know that these discussions can help, but how can you approach these conversations if you find them difficult? Well, if you’re worried that it will disturb the peace with your partner, Sammi says that they may not even know you’re having these thoughts and they may not have realized your desires might have changed over time: “when you’re in a relationship, it can feel like you’ve established your sexual tastes and that’s what you’ve got to stick with. And finding out more about each other’s fantasies can be a big turn-on in itself.” Talking to your partner about what’s blowing your mind, and what you’d like to see more (or less) of, shows that you’re invested in this intimate relationship. Sex expert Sammi Cole explains this might be because “regular conversations help us to check ourselves and reprioritize our sexual intimacy. Lovehoney discovered that over two-thirds of people who do talk about their sexual desires with their partner revealed that it led to more satisfying sex, with almost half (46%) saying it makes them feel empowered in bed. So how do we overcome this roadblock? And can it really make a difference to our sex lives? Absolutely it can, yes. However, in the same survey, over a third of Americans think it’s a shame that their partners have never discussed what they’d like in the bedroom as they’d like to hear it.
In a recent survey of 2000 US adults, sex toy provider and sexual happiness company Lovehoney found that 20% of couples don’t feel comfortable opening up about their sexual desires. While we all know that communication is key in life, speaking up and keeping it real about what turns us on can seem scary or awkward, leading many of us to avoid it… so things stay how they are (which is not always… ahem… great.) In fact, we’ve written about it on APW here and here.) And if you feel yourself and your partner slipping into a routine of the same moves and positions, you may be looking at ways you can improve things. It’s not uncommon to get stuck in a sexual rut with your partner. For more about APW and how we make money, please click here.